Question
My siblings don’t want to help. I moved in with my parents so I can help care for my dad. I work full time and then I come home and play caregiver until it is time to go to work again. I think my dad appreciates me although he cannot talk because of his condition. I don’t have time to do anything and it is affecting my friendships and my work. I feel stuck and overwhelmed. What is a dedicated daughter to do?
Answer:
First determine the following: how you want to be remembered, what matters to you in your role as a caregiver and lastly what choices can you make.
Below is a 3-step exercise that may help to push you towards finding balance.
Step #1. Write down your current age and then subtract from 90 and add two zeros to the answer. Divide that number into two. This is roughly how many weeks you have left on this earth assuming you live to a very ripe old age. If you smoke or don’t take care of yourself (no time for respite, insufficient sleep, no exercise, poor nutrition) properly, subtract 1200 weeks.
Step #2. Close your eyes and visualize that you are at the end of your life and you are given the chance to look back over what you have achieved, what differences you have made and how you want to be remembered.
Step #3. Write down how you want the people around you to remember you – especially your Dad, who can’t quite verbally express himself – and how you have best fulfilled your own unique potential. What is the possibility that your dad would like to see you happy, fulfilled and balanced?
In Caregiving, LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH. Getting professional help is not a sign of weakness. Getting professional geriatric care management help is the answer. It is also an investment in your health and the health of your parents.
Stella Nsong, RN, CMC, CDP, LTCP